observations (not related to camp)

one thing I love about Wisconsin: Since coming home from college, I've been more aware of the clouds in Wisconsin--they come in layers. At the very top, nearest the sky, is a sheet of flat, gray clouds. Below that are whispy white clouds. And at the bottom, hovering near the earth, are the fluffy marshmallow cotton-candy clouds. Sometimes there is no top sheet--just blue sky between the lower white clouds. And sometimes the clouds all move in different directions, or the lower ones move faster than the top ones. I didn't realize how much I love Wisconsin clouds (or how different they are from clouds everywhere else) until I lived in Tennessee for two years where it is either all overcast or all sunny.

one thing I think is funny: As I was biking down the bike trail to the library, I saw two women walking side by side both talking on cell phones. I found it amusing, as I always do, that the people far away from us are more important to us than the people right near us.

one this I've noticed about myself: I am suffering from the most incredible writer's block. Not only can I not write, but I can't even stand to read things I've written in the past. My style has been warped by living at camp for three months. Add to that, I forbade myself from working on my stories all summer, because I wanted to focus on camp and not feel guilty for not writing. So it's being rather a pain getting back into writing and remembering how to fit words together (even remembering all my favorite and most-used words).

musings

I am back from camp, and trying to wrap my mind around all of the things that God has taught me. There has been so much; I'll try to condense it for you in the next few postings of mine.

I had a tendency before this summer to think that camp was perfect. I would hang out with friends, spend time resting in God's sovereignty, and see campers come to know Christ--what a rewarding way to spend a summer. So as I began to approach my summer as waterfront director, I was thinking "well, what could possibly go wrong? Sure, it'll be hard" (always a hypothetical and distant kind of hardness) "but it will still be fun and amazing."

Well, I've learned not to ever say "what could go wrong?" When I depend upon circumstances for my happiness and security, God always proves to me that I need him more than anything else. This was, I can easily say, one of the hardest summers of my life.

Getting back to camp after so many months absense was enjoyable--but during staff training, I was already clashing with the one staff member who was going to be lifeguarding all summer. I saw her as a threat to my superiority as waterfront director; she saw that I didn't trust her, and was offended. Throughout the summer, God used her to show me myself; in our continual power-struggles, I saw my own need to be right, to be first, to be in charge. Toward the end of the summer, I finally got the picture and began to let go of my desire to be in control; at last, lifeguarding wasn't a continual stress.

Ultimately, the most difficult parts of the summer were brought about by my own sinfulness. Oh we are so quick to rely upon ourselves. I approached this summer thinking "well, clearly I'm the only possibly candidate good enough to be waterfront director. And heck, they even wanted me to be an RA. Of course I can do this job." Oh this cursed self-sufficiency. Well, God quickly broke my independence this summer, to everybody's satisfaction!

Hope things are going well down at Bryan. I do miss being there in the midst of everything, but I am so thankful God has led me to be home this year. I will write more on the college questions later. Take care, to all of my faithful readers. And welcome back, Megan--it's good to hear from you.

I wanted to post briefly before I run down to the picnic grove for lunch: to whatever dear faithful readers I may have, I have not forgotten you! The summer is coming to a blessed close, and in a week or to I will write a lengthy update on all of the hundreds of things God has taught me. So much I have had to learn in difficult ways; God has stretched my knowledge of myself and of Himself, and I have learned more clearly how infinitely I must trust in him for my very breath.

That's all for now.