nothing to write

It seems that the moment I step into the library with the intention of posting on my blog, all thoughts are gone from my head, my profoundness (what little of it there was) is gone, and I am left empty of ideas.

I have been poring over the Writer's Market Guide, finding a variety of publishers, and working frantically on my writing as I have been unable to do for the past six months. I had begun to doubt my writing abilities at the end of this school year, frustrated as I have been by the fact that I had no time to pursue what I love. But all my confidence in writing is restored unto me, and I have been able to spend several hours a day just writing thoughts and working on my novels.

I do sound pretentious writing all about novels and such as though I could actually presume to be an author. We shall see how it all turns out. I only know that I am not going to sit idly back and watch the world turn when my Master has called me to excellence. If these are not the plans God has for me, then he will make that evident to me in time.

I sound so confident in God's grace here, so detatched, and so able to submit. I am not really--I'm just good at faking it. Sometimes I arrogantly try to convince myself that I'm a better writer than anyone else, because that's what I want to do, and dang it--God should honor what I want to do, shouldn't he?

But I am working on having a heart of submission, a heart that desires to be used more than it desires to be on the cover of a book. I will ultimately (whether by my choice or his force) submit to the plans that he has for me--whether or not it's painful is my choice. But for now, I will keep doing what I know to do, writing what I know to write, and scribbling away lengthy and pretentious posts on my blog.